spurtin’ out ma thots

jangan perasan.

this is where i write anything that came across my mind.

and mind you,
i have no time to think about you.

as someone once told me “God sure has a sense of humour” [16:44]

God won’t simply test you on this unless He knows that you can handle it [16:44]

His God and my God is different. But I know that we are actually surviving in the same world.

Somehow, it’s kinda struck me somewhere. This kind of feeling is very bizarre.

And yet, I thank Allah for proving me wrong; whatever sufferings that I have gone through, indeed, I am not all alone.

she is our darling
and the other is my everything.

suddenly i’m unable to feel
it’s like a cursed blessing

whatever happens, wherever you’ll be
do remember, i will always love thee

never has this occurred to my mind before;
the thought of letting go really kills me from inside.

but before i knew it,
everything seems fine from the moment i decided to put an end to everything.

and.. at this point of time,

i could have never been better.

I’ve got two hearts
beating in the same rhythm

I’ve got different blood
running in the same vein

but thee
should know nothing of these

although thee
keep killing me inch by inch.

"I dreamt of u yesterday. In fact, i’ve been thinking of u for quite sometime. Are u ok?" 1400hours

we are separated physically, but the invisible attachment is still there..

even if i can no longer sense his existence, he can still detect mine..

thanks dear.. thank you so much for the thoughts..

I don’t like to plan something earlier as I know that the possibility for it to fail will be stronger than for it to happen.

But then, he told me that he can’t tolerate last-minute plan. As such, I’ve notified him about the plan 10 days earlier.

And after I’m getting all excited about it (3 days left), he said that most probably, he can’t make it.

I tried to compromise, but hey, I’m still at the losing end.

So?

Stop hoping and start living the reality…!

He (who is a psychopath) actually gave me an idea to actually ‘Google’ my own name and see the result of that action.

To my surprise, I found my ancient blog (dated 6 years ago). I’m in a process of saving all of the entries before cancelling the account for good. Here’s one of the entries (2003-August-12 @ 11:04am) which never fail to make me laugh:

adda: Eh korang.. Edisi Siasat cerita pasal Batang Berjuntai kena perkosa semalam..

kawan A: Kat mana?

kawan S: Siapa?

kawan A: [confused dan merujuk pada kawan S] Kenapa pulak siapa?

kawan S: ‘Benda tu’… Alaaah.. lelaki punya ‘anu‘ tu kena perkosa..

Aku dan adda sama-sama tergelak sampai tersedak mendengar respon kawan S kami..

thinking…
will sometimes
prepare you for what is coming.

but most of the time,
by simply thinking about what is coming,
will make you wonder about the unwanted things.

thanks dear GFs (esp. yana cayang), for being there when i need u the most.

come to really (and carefully) think about it, i couldn’t agree more.

welcome to my world.